If Dogs Took Over The World – 10 Things That Would Change
Dogs don’t ask for much. They just settle for being fed, walked, and loved. But what would the world be like if dogs made the rules? …Implemented social policies? …Laid down the law? What would change if dogs took over the world?
10. No more costumes (Halloween or otherwise)
Maybe you thought it would be a witty way to win the Halloween costume contest, but did it cross your mind that it might be embarrassing or uncomfortable for your “wiener dog” to walk around in public dressed like an actual wiener?
Unless they’re hairless, all dogs have coats, and they like to show them off. They like to let the breeze blow freely through their hair. Dogs don’t like costumes—people like to see dogs in costumes.
But, here are what I think are the Most Adorable Halloween Dog Costumes. Just for our amusement of course. I expect to be punished under the new order.
9. All Cologne Would Smell Like Doggy Butts
Imagine it. You’ve picked out the perfect dress, hairstyle and makeup for your big date. The only thing left to do is spray on a little “Eau de Tush” cologne. So, you dab some on your pulse points and “voila!” You’re ready.
The plan is to take in a movie, then dinner, but there’s just enough time for a walk in the park. A few minutes in, you realize you’re getting more than your fair share of attention—not from your date, but from the canine flash mob trailing behind you. Then you remember spritzing on that cologne, one of many infused with doggy pheromones that have replaced old faves like Eternity and Obsession. Hmmm….
Let’s face it. In a world run by dogs we’d all smell like butts.
8. Fireworks Would be Outlawed
What is a dog’s least favorite holiday? The 4th of July. Why? Fireworks. How do we know? Shelters report that more lost dogs are picked up on the 5th of July than any other time of year.
The sound of fireworks can startle the most brave of us humans, but for dogs, the rapid succession of spontaneous explosions is absolutely terrifying, and an assault on their sensitive ears. If left outside in what they think is a war zone, they will seek refuge in an area where they feel safe.
So, if and when dogs ever take over the world, firework production will cease, and it will be illegal to set off those purchased ahead of the halt in production. Get ready to give up your fireworks people…they’re coming for ‘em.
When your dog is frightened, how do you calm them down?
7. The Cone of Fame Would Replace the Cone of Shame
Everyone knows that the cone collar is a necessary evil. They keep your dog from licking, biting, or scratching him or herself while recovering from an injury, surgery, or irritation…but why are they so darned ugly?
No wonder the poor pups that have to wear them look so embarrassed…it’s impossible to look sexy while wearing a funnel.
Well, if dogs ruled the world, the “cone of shame” would be replaced with the “cone of fame”—a couture version of the cone collar. Designers would customize each collar to express the wearer’s individuality, adding touches like gemstones, gold or silver studs, ruffles, and bows, on fabrics such as velvet, silk or pleather.
No doubt, the “cone of fame” would be essential to your dog’s recovery, because like you, your canine compadre’s mind, body and spirit are connected. And if they feel confident in their tricked out cone, then two-thirds of the trinity are covered.
6. The Three-Second Rule Would be Abolished
Like to eat? So do dogs, and nothing proves it more than the waiting game. We eat and they wait…and wait…and wait for us to drop something, anything, even the tiniest morsel of food so they can snatch it up in the blink of an eye.
That said, if dogs took over the world, you might want to hold on a little tighter to your grub, because if it hits the floor, it stays there until the nearest pooch has either scarfed it up or at least sniffed it for snackability.
Abolishing the three-second rule would mean no more begging (since you will eventually drop something tasty), and no more wondering if you picked up your pieces before they were contaminated, because you won’t be allowed to pick them up. It’s a win-win for both species.
5. Canine Guardians Would be Required to Work From Home
Ever come home from work and discover that someone has ripped up the blinds, shredded the door, and eaten your favorite pair of shoes? If you’ve ever owned a dog, chances are you have. With dogs in charge, you wouldn’t have to worry about coming home to a disaster.
To improve canine mental health and reduce the destruction of property attributed to separation anxiety, all doggy parents would be required to work from home.
Think about it. No commute, no boss, no annoying co-workers, and no heart-wrenching goodbye before you head to the office. If your work is stressful, you’ll have the freedom to chill with your best bud and de-stress, which, in turn will allow you to be more productive—best work environment ever!
4. All Cars Would be Convertible
There is almost nothing dogs love more than sticking their heads out of car windows. Well, what if they upped the ante and eliminated the need for a window altogether, requiring all cars to be convertible? If dogs were to take over the world, that’s exactly what would happen. (Maybe use Oprah’s “You get a car!” clip) Just imagine how cool you’d look, driving around in a brand new, or “new to you” drop top automobile and how happy your furry friend would be beside you—the full effect of the wind whipping through their hair and the smorgasbord of scents stimulating their olfactory membrane without the constraints of a roof.
Your “road dawg” would look forward to every excursion—even if it’s to the groomer or vet.
3. We Would Finally Achieve World Peace
There is nothing like a dog’s unconditional love, and that love would no doubt spill over into foreign policy if they took over the world. Their number one priority would be to protect us, even if they had to put their own interests aside.
Canine ambassadors, heads of state and other government officials would quickly resolve conflicts and make decisions that are in the best interests of everyone involved. There would be no wars, and no tolerance for hate organizations or terrorist groups.
Think about it. Dogs love their humans and there are dog parents in every segment of the world’s population. Why wouldn’t they want to work together to keep us all safe?
2. All Shelters Would be 100% “No-Kill”
We’ve all heard the saying, “no means no.” And when a dog hears their human say “no,” even they know that “no means no.” So why aren’t “no-kill” shelters required to save all tame, non-terminally ill animals they take in, even those that are older, feral or hard to adopt? If dogs were in control, there would be no question—all shelters would be 100% no-kill.
Lost, abandoned, and orphaned animals deserve to be loved like any other pet. Since there are so many issues like funding and how to handle shelter overpopulation that make it difficult for us humans to agree on what constitutes a “no-kill” policy, it’s only fitting that those affected most by the discrepancies between shelter types have the final say as to what a true, no-kill shelter should be.
We think it’s safe to say that dogs love life and they wouldn’t want help crossing the rainbow bridge unless it was medically necessary.
1. Every Dog Would Have a Furever Home
No one should feel as if they are alone in the world, but far too many pups are waiting to be adopted or are out on the streets fending for themselves. There are also plenty of people who would love to have a dog, but haven’t found their match, or can’t afford to purchase and take care of one. If dogs took over the world, they would make sure every dog has a home and that every household has the means to support one.
Grants and vouchers would be issued to pay for your dog and all related costs including food, grooming, toys, training, and vet bills. Those having trouble finding a furbaby that is right for them would have free access to a database of dogs that are eligible for adoption, sort of like an internet dating site, but not. Instead of that other site, just think of all the furever families that would be brought together by Scratch.com.
What are some things you think would change if dogs took over the world?
Me, I think if dogs took over the world, CNN would be replaced by Animal Facts. Hey not my call folks, might as well subscribe now before it becomes mandatory. The new click it or ticket. And as always, catch ya next time.